it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
