i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
