My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
