Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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