she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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