I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize