we have officially lost it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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