She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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