We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
