i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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