maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
