you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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