We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
