i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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