Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
