I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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