I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
