so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
