I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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