You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
