K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she looked like the before picture.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
