So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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