just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she pinky promised me she was 18
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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