thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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