I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
two words: eviction party
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
