my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
