Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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