Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize