I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
