I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
