the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
