Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
