when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
