please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
