I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
