I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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