It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
