Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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