i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
