Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
