If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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