my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize