to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am spending my child support on dildos
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I believe in your delicious
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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