They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize