i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
