The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
