i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
