she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
