am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
