i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
