yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize