You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
