im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
