He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
