he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
