Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
