so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
