I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
