btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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