Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
