I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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