Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
