And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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