I think i peed on brittanys purse
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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