i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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