Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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