just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
