SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
