Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You did what with his pubic hair?
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