We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
