hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
