Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
