jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
