You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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