At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
