Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
