You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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