im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
