I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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