we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
