You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ttyl tear gas
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
