where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
