i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
