we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
