So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
